If [wrestling] be the food of love, play on...

Dear Wrestling,

I've been trying to figure out why I felt so nervous and giddy and overwhelmed before the PWX show, and I think my friend @Wegthorn beat me to it.

We were talking about the short but severe existential crisis I felt when I discovered that I could have seen Kevin Steen at PWX, just when we first moved back to North Carolina. It would have been one of his last indie shows, and he was (according to High Spots) there all the time. Right in my hometown, the one place I could usually justify a trip, even when very poor.

So I got all ragey at myself--what that hell else was I doing with that time, anyway? Being a punk ass book jockey?! She pointed out that I might have hated him at first--I did, actually--but then again maybe not, because it's almost impossible to not feel a connection at a small indie show.

And that's it. That's the whole reason. I've spent the last year or so watching so many hours of video of shows like this, and while I initially thought that it was the atmosphere/similarity to videos I've seen, that was me forgetting my Religious Studies.

See, when folks go to do a ritual, they make it special. Sacred means set apart, not everyday. You use certain food, certain lamps, certain clothes--it's a fancy-ass date with the divine, right? And once you've done that a few times, you start to get in that spiritual mindset whenever you see those things. It's a simple Pavlovian response.

I thought that I was excited about the place and the newness of it. In fact, I was excited for the chance of that connection, which I already knew to anticipate from all those shows I watched. The ring, the community center, the merch tables--that's all the ritual setting. The announcer, the entrance, the chants--it's all part of the ritual.

The magic, sacred part is that connection. Having someone heckle a heckler back, seeing your chanting and clapping help a man back to his feet, knowing that you, collective you, made a difference.

That's the magic. That's the thing I love more than I can believe, even now.

I did a spreadsheet today and learned that I have seen over 100 wrestlers between four shows.

It gets better every single time.

Love,
Autumn