Principles or Nah

Point B

Dear Sami,

The last letter I wrote you, I hung around outside arenas for around twelve hours, because I wanted to hand it to you in person. There was a lot of emotion in that letter for me, and I wanted that personal touch.

That letters follows, so that this journey can be seen in its entirety.

This time, though, I’m writing to let you know that you kinda broke my heart.

I’m a trans nonbinary person. I grew up in North Carolina and wasn’t able to even admit it to myself until my 30s. So when I saw your segment with Bobby Lashly’s sisters on Raw, it was crushing. I couldn’t even finish watching it live.

You’re even more private than most people who work for that company, and so while I have been a massive fan, and donated to SAMS every payday, etc., I don’t really know anything about you. You seemed pretty liberal. You like punk music.

I made assumptions, and that was a mistake. I assumed you were on my side in the fight against those who would dehumanize me and lie about me. I assumed you had my back, because you’ve said supportive things about Laura Jane Grace.

So even if you were bothered about that segment, I’ll never know. I’ll never know what justification was used, by you or them--”Oh don’t worry, Sami will get his comeuppance!” or simply, “You like getting paid, right?”

All I know, all I am allowed to know, is that you performed this. Maybe you’re just incredibly ignorant of the ways black men have been played for laughs in history, maybe you’re somehow unaware of the bathroom bill and (in spite of the fact that it has literally never, ever happened) the assertion that men in dresses will trick and assault people…

Does that possibly sound familiar, Mr. Zayn? No, you know what, Mr. Sebei, because let’s be real with each other. You chose, submitted, whatever, to contribute to propaganda that directly affects my life, so I think I’ll feel free to use that name this once.

My friends and I have been trying to comfort each other. One person, who has written many excellent essays about your history and who deserves so much better, can’t even directly speak about it. You have earned the love of some of the kindest, most devoted, intelligent fans I’ve ever seen in my life, and you have shaken that love to its core. And in spite of that, so many of them assure me that I should give you another chance.

That we can’t know what affects a choice like that.

That you’re just a human and humans are a mess.

That the fact that this directly supports the assertions of this administration shouldn’t be held against you.

Sure. Okay. I can accept that, and I can accept that I’ll never know more than what I saw on TV.

I have a very, very hard time with the idea that you may be living your life unaware of what you’ve done to people who love you. Forget me, I mean people who *love* you, who do art for you, and research, and writing--I’m far more concerned for them than me. I can take it, I just don't want to.

WWE will never admit that it’s done harm, and they’ll never let you either. You certainly didn’t mean to, but you gave me the gift of music back in my life.

So this is me returning the favor: please accept this gift of the full and certain knowledge that you have hurt the minority with the highest risk of suicide in the US. You have hurt people who have devoted dozens of hours to promoting you and loving you and getting others to love you, too.

Oh, Sami. I am so unbearably disappointed in you. It was bad enough when you called Daniel Bryan a housewife as if it were an insult--at least then you went on Talk is Jericho and walked it back a little. Even if you did that this time, I wouldn’t believe you. I’d just be waiting for the next time you throw your fans under the bus.

Maybe I'm wrong, and this isn't part of the propaganda that precedes the horror. Wouldn't that be nice? I've read On Tyranny too, though. Perhaps you should read it again.

I really, foolishly, hope there's a happy ending for us here,

Autumn


Point ADear Rami,

I’m zealous enough about my own to respect your privacy. That said, you’re the one who deserves the thanks for the art, not Sami or Generico.

I’m a new fan. I’ve been watching wrestling for about a year--and I’m a little older than you. I was very wrong about wrestling for a long time. I thought it was rich white people bilking poor white people out of their money and time. Related: my husband and I decided that our family motto should be stultabimus iterum: we will dumb again.

The New Day broke that all down for me, and then I fell in love with wrestling hard. Once I figured out that it was commedia del’arte style theatre with live stunts, I was hooked. I’ve been obsessed with stories my whole life, and I’ve never met a character more joyful or delightful than El Generico. The closest I can think of is Cyrano de Bergerac. The way you move, then and now, makes me gasp, it’s so beautiful. It feels like you have a string tied straight to my heart.

I found wrestling when I badly needed an escape, something to spark my imagination and help me dream again. And it’s given me so much more than I could have hoped for: friends, a community, one of the very happiest days of my life...The New Day broke the door down, but Sami Zayn and El Generico took me by the hand and *showed* me how wonderful wrestling can be--how deep and charming and meaningful. I could never thank you enough. You’ve given me so much joy and heartbreak and more laughter than I had the whole year previous to this one. I’ve watched dozens of hours of PWG, I’ve been to my first wrestling shows, I was taunted (delightfully!) by Colt Cabana--it’s all thanks to you.

I always say that when I find an artist I trust, I’ll follow them down any dark metaphorical alley they want to explore. You are one of those artists. Look, I’m a fat, weird, queer person: there’s always going to be wide swaths of wrestling that want nothing to do with me. But somehow your work makes me feel included and safe. You follow the news: I’m certain you know exactly how rare it is to feel safe in this world.

I can never thank you enough, but I have to try.

PS: I named my (orange) cat La Generica. Ginny for short. She is the best and most affectionate cat I’ve ever seen, so I think she’s well-named.

Specificities

Dear Wrestling in general, Sami in particular,

A lot of my friends are trying to convince me that anything like a good reason to do that segment exists. And I can think of some, sure--you secretly have a child that they're holding hostage for instance. Unlikely, but I could accept that as a compelling reason.

Ignorance comes up a lot--yours, the writers, whoever.

So. Let's get specific, shall we? I wouldn't want you to make the same mistake simply because no one did your homework for you, after all.

WAYS THAT SEGMENT NOT ONLY SUCKED BUT WAS ACTUALLY HARMFUL

1. Trans women get killed and harassed all the time.

2. Black women are often portrayed as more muscular, more animalistic, than white women, which also contributes to attacks on them.

3. Black women are also often incorrectly medicated and treated, on the assumption that they're 'tougher'.

4. There is a common lie that trans women are not women, they are men dressing as women in order to assault cis women and girls. This has literally never, ever happened.

5. The normal moral physics of wrestling would dictate that an asshole who contributed to these things (you) would get his ass kicked by a righteous face, because he acted like a hateful jerk. This did not happen, leaving it unsaid that the 'joke' itself was just fine.

6. There are trans women in this world, women like your friend (?) Laura Jane Grace, who have to contend with the idea that they aren't women, because of  'jokes' like this segment.

7. There are probably other issues here--my husband detects hints of the dehumanization of black families found in minstrelsy--but I don't feel at all qualified to discuss those. I refer you to your many fans of color for that.

You are a Muslim man working in a traditionally racist,  recently conservative, industry. I do not want to be unkind or unfair. That in mind, I would come at a dear friend who'd done this in much the same way. Not publically, of course, but the circumstances leave no other options.

On the Varied Use of Kisses

Dear Wrestling,

I've been meaning to tell you about this all week, because it's honestly the exact antidote/opposite to that bullshit on RAW. And bless his heart, Jake Manning wins me over more every time I see him. It doesn't hurt that he compliments my tee shirts...

So I'm missing parts of this story--specifically, the history between White Mike and Effy. Where I came into it was at PWX's rumble a month or two ago: they were both in the ring, and Effy started arguing with Mike, who seemed to be apologizing. He ended up kissing Effy, shouting, "That's right, I'm about that life!", who then slapped the hell out of him.

Mike, of course, had been teaming with Jake: accidents happened, Mike said sorry (HE SAID SORRY we chanted, so much), but Jake decided that he needed to teach Mike a lesson. We the crowd disagreed with this premise, and so Jake has decided that all fun at PWX needs to be destroyed, so next target, Effy.

(NB: If I knew which matches, or even just which promotions, to hunt down the rest of the story, I happily would--I certainly enjoy what I've seen) (Also I may well be wrong about any portion of this: if so, I'm very sorry and would love correction)

So this last Sunday, Jake and Effy had an absolutely delightful match. I highly recommend it, and hey, look at me, doing your homework for you! (It starts at 28:15, but also watch the whole show.) (Seriously, it's really really good.)

There's so much I love about this match--I'll be cackling to myself about page 37 for days--but the thing that has been helping this week, the thing that has been my refuge, is that sequence of angry, attacking kisses.

It was so unexpected, for me, from Jake in particular. At the same time, it was a totally logical place for the story to go, from what I know of it. The mix of love and anger and jealousy is perfect for a bit like this.

Obviously it's the contrast with Sami's Incomprehensible Choices on Monday, that's what has raised this moment from excellent to a source of actual comfort. Unsurprisingly, given that a proud gay man was involved, LGBTQ people weren't the punchline of this joke.

Instead, heteronormativity was literally pushed aside, here embodied by Amy Rose, bless her. Maybe even better, for someone who grew up in Charlotte, was the fact that the audience loved it. I jumped to my feet, and I don't think I was the only one.

The acceptance and love I've felt at PWX is genuinely incredible to me. As in, I almost can't believe it. I've written before about how seeing this reaction to Effy, in this area, is so meaningful to me. It means more than I could say in a thousand posts, and it's things like SIC on Monday that keep me needing that validation.

We're not there yet, god knows. I'm not out as trans at work because I live in a state where I could be fired for it with likely no consequences. Remember the Bathroom Bill? Yeah.

But growing up here, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that we'd be where we are by the time I was 40. Marriage equality, soldiers getting to be out, pride celebrations all over the country, me being able to be out, at all, to anyone--including myself, to be honest.

Each time something like this happens at PWX, it reaffirms for me how far we've come, regardless of the road ahead.

Even when one of my favorites is caught pushing a car backwards down that road...

Love you,
Autumn

Who Is Wrestling For, Exactly?

Dear Wrestling,

One would hope I'd be done with this by now, but apparently I need to work out my feelings about Sami Zayn.

I've spent so many hours questioning what on earth he was thinking. I can't know. Not only that, but the company he works for seems to be very, very strict about never allowing the performers to express opinions about the work they do. No unions, no healthcare, and no humanity, ultimately--at least as far as being able to say, "Yeah, I wasn't comfortable with that, but did it for these reasons."

What it comes down to, for me, is this: Months ago, when I spent all those hours and hours waiting outside arenas to give him a letter? This was in that letter:

"I always say that when I find an artist I trust, I’ll follow them down any dark metaphorical alley they want to explore. You are one of those artists. Look, I’m a fat, weird, queer person: there’s always going to be wide swaths of wrestling that want nothing to do with me. But somehow your work makes me feel included and safe. You follow the news: I’m certain you know exactly how rare it is to feel safe in this world." I don't feel safe with him and his work anymore. I keep trying to avoid it with anger and activity, but I am devastated. I am heartbroken. Wrestling sells itself as escapism, and that seems to be less and less true all the time. I still love you, Wrestling, but seriously: get your fucking shit together. Autumn

Can There Be Love Under Capitalism?

Dear Wrestling,

At one point last night, I got closer to actually starting a fist fight than I've ever been in my adult life. And you know me--I talk endless shit, and back none of it up.

But when a dude yelled, during a Su Yung match, "Your husband hits harder than that"...

Well.

I didn't! I did stand and glare and yell back, "Oh, because violence against women is hilarious!" I was good!

(I couldn't tell which fucker it was for sure)

(I am the very worst pacifist, It Is Known)

I can't wait for the show to go on High Spots because there are several matches I'm eager to see again--a big tag match between the Syndicate and several guys that were new to me, in particular, and which finally convinced that I absolutely need to get to the next Pure show. If I gotta sleep in my car, it won't be the first time.

I do highly recommend the show, but I'm not great at recounting matches at the best of times, and this is certainly not that.

No muffins, I'm afraid tonight your cousin Autumn is going to get a bit rant-y.

So yeah, first of all, at least one guy in the audience thought it was hilarious to joke about domestic violence. You know that scene in the Crow when he gives all of Sarah's pain to the drug dealer? I wish that was a power I had, precisely for moments like this. It's not that I actually want to hit the guy or that I think it would in anyway help: I know it wouldn't.

It's that I want to him to feel as shocked and hurt as I did. I want him to hear a joke about whatever the worst time in his life was, and not once, but hundreds of times, because the culture doesn't give a shit And I want that all in a hypothetical situation because no one should actually have to live like that.

For subject no. 2, we have RAW tonight. Specifically, the remarkably transphobic segment involving Sami Zayn and some dudes in dresses.

I'm nonbinary--that means trans, to be clear. No, let me start elsewhere: I once heard a promo in which Kevin Owens used the word f****t. It was many, many years ago, and Styles was in it too, and probably deserves at least some of the credit.

It hurt so, so bad, to hear my favorite use that word. And I remember being shocked at myself, because before wrestling there was nothing on this green earth that I loved so much that I'd let it disrespect me. Not my mother, not my favorite band or author, *nothing*.

Yet I found myself still a fan. Willing to forgive it, somehow. I did not at all understand this change and I found it terribly alarming. Is this who I am now? And where does it stop? Will I just let any  reprehensible bullshit slide now?

Maybe. Apparently.

I'm very angry about the segment, and hurt, but mostly I'm just filled with questions. Not particularly polite ones either, ones I would probably never ask to someone's face, but this post isn't about the hours I spend to archive their ephemera for possibly no good goddamn reason, so I feel pretty certain they won't find this:

1. How could you?

2. Do you understand that this hurts real people? That trans people are the most murdered minority, and the most at risk of suicide?

3. Do you think this is funny? Follow-up, how on earth was I so wrong about you if so?

4. You just not a fucking punk now or what? Dare I use the dreaded S word?

5. You do more humanitarian work than anyone else in that company, so how the hell does that work? You just turn your soul off when you go to work? God knows I have...

6. If you have so little power over the work you do, that you couldn't even object to this pile of moldy putrid disease, how on EARTH is this your dream job?

7. Is it your dream job because you came up in a time when it was the only chance you had of making money?

8. Seriously, just, what the fuck?

9. Is there a more direct insult you'd like to offer your fans? A straightforward 'fuck you', or just more general agreement with the current US administration?

I adore Kevin more than I can say, and Sami has given me so so much.

Is this the point when you start discreetly returning your friend's stuff, so you can cut ties cleanly?

I remember when he said the housewife line to Bryan last fall, and how sick that made so many of us feel. And we excused it, we said, "Oh, he's never really been a heel before, he's just figuring it out, he'll course correct! It'll be fine!" And he went on Talk is Jericho and said basically that, and we all said, phew, we still get to be fans, yay!

So I guess we get a few months at a time now, and then we get to have a big crisis of love again. How many fucking times am I supposed to watch someone treat me and mine like shit before I say ENOUGH?

I am really worried that I know the answer, and that it's very much the answer of a not-that-recovered abuse survivor.



Do fucking better, you piece of shit. I goddamn love you, gods help me.
Autumn

A Letter of Protest

Dear Wrestling  Universe,

I hope this letter finds you well. I regret that the circumstances of my correspondence are not more pleasant. Sadly, it seems that upon my visit to the Orlando, FL area this summer, there will not be any NXT shows that I may take in.

I must object to this situation in the strongest possible terms. While my family may have other objectives in visiting the area (spending time with family, visiting parks, being in the sun and water), these are not nearly enough to tempt me.

No, for me it was wrestling or bust, and now apparently bust it is.

To this point I had been well pleased with your service--there have been hiccups, sometimes major ones, but there has also been Paris and sea stacks, meeting Sami Zayn and eating fresh blackberries next to redwoods...overall a success!

If I were visiting some place other than Florida, perhaps this would be easier to bear. However, Florida is a mess of sunlight and heat and humidity, and I burn in the shade.

There are, of course, other wrestling federations in Florida, and I have hopes that you may mollify my mood by a show elsewhere.

You know your duty. (It's to keep hot and cold wrestling coming, at all times.)

Regards,

Autumn

On the Repudiation of Coolness*

Dear Wrestling,

So I'm watching Gentleman and a Scholar on High Spots, and I'm not quite two hours in. Excalibur and Jimmy Havoc are drunk, Dan Barry apparently hasn't been drinking but like me, can meet that looseness and goofiness without needing to.

Jimmy is trying, bless him, to say thank you to Excalibur for his part in inspiring not just Jimmy, but many indie wrestlers especially in England. Excalibur, bless *him*, is (also like me) just barely a Gen-Xer, and not having it. He downplays his moveset, his ability, his impact...

The question shifts to "Well, what do you think your legacy will be?"--and tellingly, even he can't deny that he's a great talker. Dan says of his commentary, "I think you on commentary has been your shining light, in that you appreciate pro wrestling, so when you're commentating on it, you're not doing things to get, like, the point across. You are literally calling it as you see it, and your appreciation for what exists in front of you is astronomical, and I love that."

I've been (officially) a wrestling fan for 1 year and 7 months. At every step along the way, as I've gone deeper and deeper--from "Oh,  the New Day are *cool*! But I hate Kevin Owens.." to "God, I hate that I like KO, and I love Sami and I keep hearing about this history..." to "Holy shit, PWG is the Platonic ideal of wrestling" and so on, each time there's been a guide. A psychopomp, to guide me further into the underworld.

One of the first was @MithGifs and I only don't thank her profusely every single day because I'm certain it would make her uncomfortable.

Excalibur was another.

In coming to wrestling, for me it's often been a matter of finding my place in it. Not changing myself to fit, but seeing what of me can be found here, and in the people here. Sometimes there's almost nothing for me, but sometimes someone shares my priorities and values in unexpected and amazing ways: that's Excalibur. And I don't mean his pedantry, although of course I relate to and appreciate that.

No, it's that he's not cool. Wildly uncool. He's excited and present and bringing all of himself to the table. Coolness is distance, it's death and a smirk and exclusion. Coolness divides.

Excalibur unites. He, through his commentary, wants us all to see how amazing that was, and how much history there is between these two wrestlers, and how that move references such-and-such.

He wants us all to be there in the room, to whatever degree possible, to experience it with him and with each other.

I can honestly say that Excalibur was pivotal in my becoming a wrestling fan. Finding that it's not all tans and body guys and being gatekept, but that as long as you love it, you're *in*. Love is the price for the ticket, it's the seating and the people next to you, it's the guys in the ring. It's everything.

And I know people like him, and he'll hem and haw and say it wasn't him, he was part of a wave, on and on--he's wrong though. And that's ok.

Acknowledging and accepting that he Did the Thing might be more than he can manage: fair enough. The thing is, he isn't writing the history and stories of this era of wrestling.

We are.

His reputation doesn't depend on whether or not he thinks he deserves it.

Those of us who are grateful to him, we'll have our say.

Thanks,
Autumn










*I'm the worst at titles. I decided to ape Hume, I don't know why. Bored, probably.

Kevin's Columns

Dear Wrestling,

In my digging around for the other letters from the feud with Generico, I managed to dig up something I didn't even know existed: columns Kevin wrote for his website back around 2011--or at least, that's when the Internet Wayback Machine snagged them.

Finding stuff like this, maybe it's not the only thing I can give to the wrestling community, but it's probably the best thing. I can't draw or paint, I haven't nearly got my 10,000 hours in writing yet. I can't even recognize faces, so match reviews are right out.

I'm pretty good at research, though.

A gentle warning before you proceed: two of these columns are about wrestlers who passed away. One took his own life, although this isn't mentioned--if you look him up, like I did, it's there. Trust your gut, folks. 

(As with Kevin's Letters 2, these were pulled from the ruins of steenwrestling.com) 

****************************************************************

Tough

In my line of work I have met countless guys who I would describe as tough. Actually, every wrestler is tough, no doubt. But there's tough, and then there's really tough. Like the Briscoes, Austin Aries, Bryan Danielson, Super Dragon and so many others. Then there's the tough motherfuckers like Nigel McGuiness, Steve Corino and Eddie Edwards.

I'm not really sure which of those two categories I'm a part of. I've never been knocked out in my entire life even though I have never put my hands up to try and block any shot, kick or weapon thrown at my head or face in the last ten years. I've been wrestling with a torn up knee for about 3 years. I guess that could make me a tough motherfucker...but then again, who hasn't wrestled hurt. Eddie Edwards for instance, became an instant hero in any ROH fan's heart when he hid the cast on his arm from the New York State Athletic Commission all night so that he could be part of the Ladder War II. Everyone knows that by now. Steve Corino has been wrestling for months with a fractured elbow, partly torn tricep and a vicious infection in that same arm. Nobody would know it from looking at him work, though.

The other day I was at my doctor's office, in the waiting room and I was watching some MMA on my iPod touch. They were talking about how tough this one particular fighter was and I then saw him get knocked out in 22 seconds right after the announcers were praising his ''great chin.'' It got me thinking about what makes someone tough. What makes someone really tough. And what makes someone a tough motherfucker. As I was leaning towards officially putting my name in the third column, thinking with pride about how many superkicks I could take before finally being put down, and elderly man came into the waiting room. He must have been at least 80 years old. He was bent over, putting as much of his weight as he could onto the walker he was using to get around. The 12 feet between the door and the secretary's office must have taken him a good 2 minutes to complete. When he got up to the office I watched him struggle to get his wallet out and get his Medicare card. I watched as he politely asked the secretary for an appointment. When she said there's no way the doctor would be able to see him that day, he said that was fine, any other day would work. She told him to hang on, she'd be back with him in a minute.

The minute turned to 5 and I offered him my seat, which he declined. I sat back down and kept watching him as 5 minutes turned to 10, and then 15. This entire time, he continued to decline the seats people were offering him, struggling to balance his body weight on his walker, never once asking the secretary what was taking so long, never once looking annoyed. The secretary finally told him she was too busy to give him an appointment right now and he'd have to wait another little while. He replied that he had another appointment in 10 minutes in another building, so she said he'd have to come back later. This would have infuriated me and I'm a relatively healthy 26 year old man.

All she had to do was look in her stupid little book but she told him to come back later. And you know what? The old man looked at her, said no problem, he'd be back later and then thanked her with a nice smile. He put his hat back on, grabbed his walker and made his way back to the door. As he slowly passed me, I saw him look up at me, nod and wink. Now unless he was hitting on me, I'm pretty sure that this man I saw struggle to simply walk a mere 12 feet, wait for close to a half hour standing while struggling to keep his balance with his walker, and who had just gotten turned around and told to come back later by a horrible secretary who was too busy to open a book, was in a good mood. Just another day for him, no big deal!

The doctor called my name and as I headed to his office it occurred to me why I was there. I have a skin infection that causes a great deal of pain in my right arm. It burns and keeps me up at night. I complain about it all the time. It sometimes makes me miserable for days at a time, just ask my family. Then I remember I was about to put myself in the tough motherfucker column...But the tough motherfucker column is something very exclusive, very hard to get into. It can't get too crowded in that column otherwise the title just isn't as prestigious. So, at that moment I made a decision. I went ahead and put myself in the really tough column, almost as prestigious as the other one.

But in the other column, the really special one...

I put that old tough motherfucker.

**********************************************************

SINCE THE FINAL BATTLE...

The last few months of my career have been very strange, to say the least. I've been feeling quite conflicted about the whole thing. Over the past 2 months, I have gone through more ups and downs than I have in the 10 years I spent in this crazy world before.

December started off great, with a match in NSPW, a promotion in Quebec City, that was not only a blast to be a part of but ended up being voted Match of the Year in Quebec for 2010. It only got better when I made my return to PWG and had a match with Dragon Gate's Akira Tozawa that I can honestly say will forever be one of the highlights of my career. The dude is incredible, the crowd in PWG is, I truly believe, one of the best in the world, always has been, and the fact that I was back in my wrestling home, all those combining factors made this a night I'll always remember.

(The match actually just came out on DVD on the Cyanide: A Loving Tribute to Poison event and I encourage everyone to go out of their way to get this show! Not only does it have the aforementioned match with Tozawa but it also has an opening match featuring the debuting Willie Mack against Peter Avalon that was tons of fun, two crazy tag matches in the Young Bucks vs the Fighting Taylor Boys and the Cutler Bros vs the RockNES Monsters and an excellent main-event tag team championship match with the champions, Paul London and the retarded waste of space masked disease vs the Kings Of Wrestling. Please visit www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com to get this, you won't regret it.

Don't download it illegally because I guarantee you'll regret that when you die and get to hell, which just so happens to be my basement)

Then came my last ROH weekend. The first night was a real treat. I got team with my idol Steve Corino one last time. And it was against my favorite opponents, the Briscoes.

I had a blast in there with all those guys and I'm glad I got to work with all of them one last time in ROH before my departure. The next night should have been a crowning moment, the culmination of something I had worked for all year, put everything I had into. I had been obsessing over that night for over a year. But it didn't end quite the way I thought it would. We did have a great match like I thought we would. The fans were all very into our story, like I thought they would be. But I didn't think the walk back to the locker room after the match would be my last one.

Following Final Battle, I had a couple of interviews to do. One with Alan Counihan for the Dr. Keith radio show that I really enjoyed doing. Alan was a great person to talk to and the hour and half flew by. Most of all, however, everyone who commented on the interview enjoyed it and I'm glad my story entertained them. I had another interview with PowerSlam magazine with a fellow named Fin Martin which was also very enjoyable. A quote from the interview actually came out on various websites last week regarding a claim I made about TNA. I'll probably comment on that whole thing at some point, since I have received quite a few e-mails and text messages about it and people seem a little confused over what I meant to say. Keep an eye (or ear) out for that soon.

Through all of this, I was wondering where do I go from here? Talking about my career at length with these guys made me realize that I had accomplished everything I set out to do, except for winning the ROH World Title. Maybe taking an extended break would be a good idea?

My entire January schedule revolved around shows in Montreal, Quebec City or Ottawa, all less than 2 hours from my home. That means I got to spend time with my son and wife which I don't get to do as much as I wish and man, that's by far the best part of not having such a busy wrestling schedule. The shows themselves went very well.
C*4 Wrestling, the promotion I wrote about in my last column, ran two shows in as many weeks, one in Montreal and one in Ottawa and I can honestly say that after the second one, I could tell myself for the first time in quite a while that I loved wrestling. The stuff I'm doing over there with Jimmy Jacobs and this up-and-comer named Mike Bailey has people going crazy and is just so much fun to be a part of. Both shows should be available on DVD soon and I hope some people decide to check them out.

The end of January saw me fly to California for PWG's show as part of the second Wrestlereunion. This was my first, true big test since Final Battle. A match on a big stage, with a sold-out crowd to witness it live, and a lot of people that would see it on DVD after. And it was against one of the best wrestlers in the world currently, Chris Hero. I always get very nervous when I wrestle Chris, not sure why. But it might have been even worse in this particular case, since it was my first high profile match since my ROH departure. We ended up having a really good match. A lot of people noticed Chris and I had a bit of a talk following the match and have asked me what was said. Well, the exact words will stay between Chris and I but I will say this, I'll always be grateful for those few words and keeping them in mind since then has helped me greatly.

February has been pretty quiet so far but that's not bad considering I'm heading into a tag team tournament with Akira Tozawa as my partner. Suffice to say I'll need all the rest I can get. Actually, last weekend wasn't that quiet, now that I think about it. My turn on fan favorite Pee Wee in Quebec City's NSPW led to the crowd throwing empty bottles, full bottles, chains and one particularly tough guy threw a chair at me. When I caught it and jumped over the guardrail, he promptly ran right out the door. My night wasn't over though. When I turned around to head back to the locker room I was met with a slap to the face by a woman who looked to be about 50 and was absolutely seething with rage. She turned out to be Pee Wee's mother. My advice for her to start saving up for her son's funeral didn't seem to make her feel much better so I decided to tell her the same thing her dear son tells everyone all the time...keep on smiling!

Well, that's about it for what my wrestling career has been like since leaving ROH. For those of you who've asked me what I was up to, well, there you have it.

I'll try to update the website more often but I can't promise anything. Keep checking back though!

Kevin

P.S. I miss my friend Steve.

*************************************************************

Alex

This is the second time in two weeks I write something like this and I really hope it's the last time for a long, long time.

Everyone was shocked and saddened by the passing of Alex Whybrow, better known to the wrestling world as ''Sweet N' Sour'' Larry Sweeney.

A lot of people I consider myself close to were very good friends with Sweeney. I, unfortunately, can't make that claim. Those guys were lucky enough, throughout all the years they spent on the road and in the ring with him, to collect hundreds of memories of Sweeney that they will now look back on forever. I can't say I had such luck. Larry and I were friends, at one point. Seeing him was always a pleasure and we'd always spend a few minutes bullshitting about whatever was on our mind but we never hung out extensively.

When I heard about his death, I was immediately brought back to one specific moment, my favourite memory of Alex. While it may not be as touching or memorable as the memories his good, close friends have of him, this is something I will always get to hold on to and smile as I look back on the short time I got to spend with him.

It was in March 2008. ROH had a Friday night show in St. Louis, followed by a Saturday night event in Indianapolis. I remember having a particularly rough time on the Friday because when I left home to catch my flight that morning, my son, who was only 3 months old at the time, was very sick and having to leave him and my wife in that state was quite a struggle. I ended up calling home about a hundred times that day and every time, the updates were never good. Nothing that day put me in a good mood or made me smile, I was just miserable...until I got to witness something that still makes me laugh out loud to this day. Adam Pearce had an idea for a promo involving Sweeney and Ric Flair, who was appearing in ROH for the first time. I don't remember who was there to witness this, I know Hero, Hagadorn, Generico and Adam were there for sure.

There may have been a few others but not many.

The promo started with Super Agent Sweeney on the phone, in the midst of an important, deal-making call when Ric Flair walked past him, talking on the phone as well. As they passed each other, their eyes locked and they both closed their flip phones at the EXACT same time while staring at each other intensely. Then they both threw off their sports jacket, again at the exact same time, almost like mirror images of each other. They then proceeded to have a ''Whoo'' exchange and strutting contest that had all of us in tears.

I can't do justice to how incredible that promo was. For some reason, I don't think it's ever been used by ROH. Unless I completely missed it, I checked and it's not on the DVD of that event and it was never put on a videowire either.

Maybe someone in ROH can try and look for it...I don't know if they even keep footage of the past events that doesn't end up getting used.

All I know is I was lucky enough to see a moment that I'm sure meant the world to Alex.

And the smile on his face after was enough to take me out of my slump for that day. I will never forget that moment because to me, it defined perfectly the Sweeney I knew and loved. He loved to performed and could do it as good as anyone in wrestling, even a legend like Ric Flair.

And that's the Alex I will always remember...
12 Large brother!
Sweet N' Sour Forever...
Goodbye Alex.

**********************************************

Phrank

A little over a week ago, a truly amazing person was taken from this world way too young.

It's had to comprehend, how in this day and age, a young man of only 23 years could be attacked by such an aggressive, unstoppable monster. That monster was cancer.

I'll never forget seeing my buddies Player Uno and Stupefied with their head shaved, back in January. It was out of the ordinary as they had always had hair in the past. I asked them, with a smile, why the trim job.

Uno just looked up at me with and said something that chilled me to the bones, ''Phrank's got cancer.''

Phrank was Francois Morin's nickname. Some of you may only know him as the loveable hobo from Inter Species Wrestling, Stinky the Homeless Guy.

Why was his nickname spelled with Ph instead of an F? I don't know...

To tell you all the truth, I don't know nearly enough about Phrank...I really wish I knew more. I wish I had known him better. I knew him for years but never really have the chance to get to know him well.

But I know this: I never heard a single bad word about him from anyone. His best friend, Player Uno, spoke highly of him anytime his name would come up.

I know one thing about Phrank that is absolutely undeniable. He was a kind person and he loved life. One of the best examples of his good heart is easy to find for me...it's simply the way he always treated me.

I'm not the most sociable person. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I have a lot of friends in wrestling but they all accept me the way I am. I don't talk much and I rarely go out of my way to speak to people. Yet, every single time we would end up at the same place, no matter how long it had been since we'd seen each other, I would feel a tap on my shoulder and when I looked up or turned around to see who is was, I'd be met with a huge grin and a heartwarming ''Hey man!''

Not a little handshake or a discrete nod...He would go out of his way to welcome me and talk for a while. He'd ask about my wife and my son even if he'd only seen them once or twice and he wasn't just asking because that's what people do. He asked because he cared. He listened, smiled and really cared.

That was Phrank. That's the memory I will always carry with me when I think of him.

Some people come into your life, are in it for a very long time and barely have any effect on you...but some people end up only being here for a short while, yet they leave a lasting impression and you remember them forever.

I will remember Phrank forever...

Dude, you are the best friend I never had the chance to have and you will be missed.
Here's a link to an article written by Michael Ryan, in tribute to Phrank:

http://slam.canoe.ca/Slam/Wrestling/2011/04/07/17910576.html

Here are some words from Mark Pollesel, the owner of C*4 wrestling in Ottawa, where
Phrank wrestled as Bash Bison. He was good friend:

I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the death of a great person, a friend, and a popular member of the C*4 and ISW families, Phrank Morin.

Phrank, age 23, was better known as Stinky the Homeless Guy, as well as Bash Bison, to all of you fans.

For the last several months, Phrank was battling an aggressive form of cancer, which had come upon him suddenly late last year. His friends and family stood with him the whole way. And in turn, he kept a brave and smiling face, and kept those around him comforted with his one of a kind sense of humor.

To know Phrank was to love him. On Friday when he passed, he did so with the love of countless people, who carried him and his battle in their hearts.

I hope all of our fans take a moment to remember the outstanding performer that Phrank was. And to all his friends to continue to remember the great person he was.
I miss you Phrank, and so do the wrestlers and staff of the promotions you worked for.

You gave us all something to smile about every time you stepped into the ring, whether it be as Kid Supreme, Stinky the Homeless Guys, Bash Bison, Big Van Voltage, or whichever member of the illustrious FireMask family was debuting next.

Rest in peace, and in the love of everybody you left behind.

And here's a few memories shared by another one of Phrank's close friend, Mike Rotch, one of the owners of Inter Species Wrestling:

I first met Phrank when he was a 14 year old kid, skinny with shaggy bleached hair. He was training at the local wrestling promotion's wrestling school - and my friends and I were looking for a filming gig. He was nice. Spoke very little English, and I made jokes about how he kinda resembled French actor Gerard Depardieu.

Every time I saw him, he greeted me with a smile. Something he'd become known for.
We became better friends one night while attending a fellow wrestling school student's wedding reception. It was boring. Just really, really boring. I was sitting around with a few of the guys - including Phrank - and we were just absolutely bored to tears. I mentioned that a friend of mine was having a party that night, and I was missing it. A party where he was known to smoke and grill tons of meat - and people would just eat, drink, and party.

We ditched the reception, and drove from Gatineau, Quebec to Ottawa's west end - and hit up the party.

To put myself over for a second (I promise, it's to further the story) - I was known amongst my party friends for my ability to slam beers faster than anyone else they knew. I was dubbed the "Ottawa drinking champion" at another party - and there's actually a championship belt out there somewhere. 

Anyway - upon our arrival, I was handed bottles of beer - and asked to slam 'em. I popped the caps off, and down they went. Downed 3 in a row, in about 8 seconds. My friends cheered - as Phrank looked on in amazement. He had never seen anything like that before. He put his hand on my shoulder - I looked at him - and he, in his slowly improving English asked "Mike...will you be my papa?"

I accepted, and with that - I was a 21 year old man with a 14 year old son. Later that night, another of the young students became my son, too.

Phrank was an incredible artist - and he drew this picture of our "family" a little while after that night.

I have many, many memories of Phrank - from filming him dancing all over malls in Ottawa for no reason - to arriving at his apartment one night, to see that he'd spraypainted the word "POO" all over the place out of drunken boredom. There's one that has me laughing every time I think about it, though.

Canada Day (July 1) 2007 - I had a huge party. Basically, the entire Inter Species Wrestling, C*4, and IWS rosters were in attendance. Just a really good time, where food and drink were consumed - and people were powerbombed and German suplexed into a kiddie pool. The party was great, and I have many fond memories of that day - but as I mentioned - one makes me laugh every time.

Late at night, the party was winding down. It was dark outside, and the mosquitoes were out in full force - so we decided to take the party indoors. There was karaoke and a little guitar hero - but Phrank's time was spent play fighting with my little brother and his friends. They were about 6 at the time. At one point, they decided they needed more room to fight - so they went out front.

About 10 minutes later - the kids came back into the house laughing. Phrank followed - his hair messy, his clothes grass-stained, and footprints all over his face. Dirty shoe footprints, as if the kids actually beat him up - covering his face - which, like always, had a smile plastered on it.

That's my favourite Phrank story.

As I said before - one of the greatest people I'll ever know. I just wish that more of you had a chance to meet him.

That's all I've got for now.

-Mike

***********************************************

Q&A Part One (if Part Two exists, I haven't found it yet - RAD)

Q. Considering Quebec wrestling's state, what is your take on what is wrong with it, and what should be done to bring it's popularity back From YouTube User:smumdax

A. I think every Quebec wrestling company should start booking me for seminars, several times. I did one in GEW recently and it was great! *wink*
The popularity of Quebec wrestling will never be back, simply because times have changed and too much has happened to make wrestling seem like a gigantic joke, from the people involved to the unbelievable amount of ''promotions'' that would start up with the same wrestlers in the same city and draw 30 people every show, yet passed themselves up as serious wrestling companies.
There's nothing to be done to make this better.

Q. How much Japanese do you know? Can you teach us any? From YouTube User:ajdisdaman

A. I know none. I can still teach you some but it will be made up and if you use it in Japan, people will not understand you.

Q. Throughout your career, who has been your favourite person to work with and who do you consider to be the best worker that you've been in the ring with? From YouTube User: ciaranoid

A. I have so many guys that I love being in the ring with but I think the Briscoes are at the top of my list. Just amazing dudes to work with and they always bring out the best in me. As far as the best worker I've ever been in the ring with, that honor is divided between Steve Corino and CIMA of Dragon Gate.

Q. Kevin, where do you see yourself in 5 Years time? Will you still be wrestling then? From YouTube User: TheSuperPlex1001

A. I certainly hope so. But I can't tell where or if I will be for sure. The only place I see myself at in 5 years is home with my family.

Q. Smoked meat or poutine? From YouTube User: KaceCC2

A. Poutine hands down.

Q. Hey Kevin, I was wondering... How in the blue hell do people survive the turnbuckle Steenalizer?!! From YouTube User: KreatorOfEvile/Also Via Email

A. I don't know. You could ask Adam Cole, Mike Bailey or Johnny Yuma. They were the three latest victims of it and they're all still walking around from what I can tell.

Q. What are you thoughts on John Zandig and CZW? I know Zandig doesn't run it anymore, but he paid you out in his shoot interview. From Rob Love Via Email

A. I have no idea what CZW is like now. Can't be too bad considering the Briscoes are back there I think. As far as Zandig goes, I don't want to say too much for two reasons. One, I'm aware of the tragedy his family has suffered recently with his son passing away, and two, I believe I am soon recording an Art of Wrestling podcast with my buddy Colt and I think the Zandig stuff will be part of it.

Q. How do Gaijins and Puroresu wrestlers call matches if they don't speak each others' language? I know you have limited experience in Puro, but I was hoping you would answer this question. From YouTube User: KreatorOfEvile/Also Via Email

A. Wrestling is kind of a universal language. Every wrestler in the world, at least all the ones I've met, know what the names of moves and holds are in English. Sometimes the communication can be a bit tricky but we always figure it out.

Q. Do you ever give out receipts to other wrestlers when they stiff you? If so, then who? Super Dragon comes first to my mind :P From YouTube User: KreatorOfEvile/Also Via Email

A. Yes, I do. It's pretty easy to spot me doing so because when I do, I apparently have a tendency of getting a crazy look and my tongue comes out through my teeth when I'm about to hit...at least that's what I've been told. As far as Super Dragon is concerned, I wouldn't say I've ever given him a receipt simply because we always beat the living shit out of each other when we wrestle. But he is the man I credit for showing me that hitting hard in the ring is not something negative. The first time I took a forearm from him, my eyesight got blurry and it rattled my brain...and for some reason, I loved it.

Q. Has weight been a problem for you in the ring, since your a hard hitting person does it take a toll on your body? From YouTube User: brianverrett

A. Absolutely.

Q. How come you are so AWESOME?!
From YouTube User: xShineyxDiverx

A. Because I'm the Miz.

Q. What jobs (if any) did you have before wrestling and do you have a job to support your wrestling income? From Ben Baxter Via Email

A. I used to work at a gas station for a long time. I quit because I was able to make a living off wrestling. Now I do have another job, at a warehouse, which I enjoy quite a bit. I have a family that depends on me and as good a living as I get to make from wrestling, you can never have too much money when you have a little dude in the house constantly eating and breaking stuff on a daily basis.

Q. You've used Linkin Park (One Step Closer) and Drowning Pool (Tear Away) as entrance music, do you still follow either band, if so what do you think of them now? From Clive Gray Via Email

A. I don't follow either. I haven't heard any new Drowning Pool song in years and the new Linkin Park stuff I've heard, while catchy, doesn't appeal to me much at all.

Q. What was one of your worst moments in wrestling? From YouTube User: dietfreeman42718

A. Two come to mind. One was right after a match I had with Nigel McGuiness in Chicago for the ROH title in 2008. We had a pretty good match, I think, yet the crowd never got into it much at all. Then I found out that I was incredibly underpaid compared to what other guys were making (something that was rectified quite quickly) and on top of that, I had major back pain and I had no idea what was causing it. I came as close as I ever did that night to quitting wrestling.

The other is walking out of the Manhattan Center after Final Battle knowing I was done with ROH. That fucking sucked, plain and simple.

Q. Do you like to do Big Shows(ROH) or Smaller Shows(PWG)? From YouTube User: dietfreeman42718

A. I don't consider PWG shows smaller than ROH. The number of people doesn't dictate what is a big show to me. The PWG fans, no matter if there's 100 of them or 500 of them, are always insane and ready for a good time. Every time I'm in a PWG ring, I feel like it's a big show. Same for ROH. Smaller shows, to me, are local shows like C*4 and NSPW. But I don't wrestle any differently. I really don't. I bust my ass everywhere because people paid to come in and see good wrestling. I'll try to measure the crowd to figure out what I need to do to make them happy and sometimes, I may end up doing a whole lot less in the ring than I would in ROH or PWG but I always do everything I can to give the crowd a good show.
What's that? Yes, yes I am a great person. Thank you!

Q. What was one of the hardest things for you to learn when you started training for wrestling? From YouTube User: dietfreeman42718

A. That's a good question. I always hard a real hard time giving dudes a fireman's carry. I also don't have a great hip-toss. I feel awkward doing it. Which is why I never do either.

Q. How did you get into PWG? From YouTube User: dietfreeman42718

A. I used a magical key I found in a goat's tummy...........
Super Dragon saw the IWS 4-way in CZW and the next week, we saw him again in JAPW and somehow ended up in his room. It was quite an unusual situation, especially since he had a reputation of being a loner and an asshole. Here we were, a bunch of strangers in his room, hanging out with him. The rest is history. He liked Generico and I's work so he brought us in to work one match, for a one time thing. We got over, I got especially over, and about 8 months later I was the motherfucking champ!

Q. Dear Kevin, I recently watched ROH Salvation. After the Main Event there was a backstage vignette where you talked about Tyler Black to who-I-presume-was Steve Corino over the phone about how you "saw it in his eyes", how he'd "changed" and how you'd "got him".

It has been driving me insane ever since - no pun intended - and has filled my head with questions... Were you planning something more with Tyler? If so, what were those plans? How did your cryptic words on the phone, and on the ensuing ROH Video Wires (in one you talked about you and Tyler now shared blood, in another you implied that him keeping the belt past Glory by Honor - and thus bringing it to WWE -was a focal point) play into them & foreshadow events? Was it intended to bleed into your *ahem* problems with El Generico at the time? From Phillip Wright via Email

A. When we did the match, we didn't know what was going to happen with Tyler. He had WWE and TNA calling and ROH was trying to re-sign him as well. He was taking time to think things over and this is when Adam was still in control. I had a lot of room with Adam to do things I felt were a good idea, even if there was no real plan to go anywhere with them. He would let me try stuff out and if something came out of it, then we could run with it. This was the same with Tyler. I was personally hoping that my feud with Tyler would last a lot longer than it did, or even better, Tyler would eventually turn and join us. But my ultimate goal was for Tyler to credit Steve and I for talking him into going to WWE, saying we motivated him to dream bigger and achieve his destiny...only for us to brag about having kicked out the one person who could have stopped us by getting inside of his head and making him think it was a great idea for him to leave.

It didn't pan out at all because it wasn't something the new management wanted to pursure and that's fine but that was my idea. I always wanted to make my feud with Tyler about something completely different than what other wrestling feuds usually are. I didn't hate Tyler. I loved him. I thought he was amazing wrestler and he was heading down the wrong path by trying to make the fans happy when they had turned on him immediately after he'd won the belt. I wanted to help Tyler realize what he was, which was the best damn wrestler in the world. I wanted to offer him the chance to beat me so that he could understand what he was...indestructible.

That was my whole thing with the Tyler feud and the reasoning behind every promo we did leading up to it.

Thanks to everyone who sent in questions. One little thing before I take off, I get asked daily, literally, about shirts. The answer is this: I don't have any for sale currently. I am hoping to re-stock the Mr. Wrestling shirts soon and they will be available here when I do. As far as the Generico head shirt, it was an ROH shirt. If you wish to get one, you'd have to contact them but last I heard, they had sold out. Thank you all!

************************************************************

C4

A few years ago a friend of mine came to me with a vision. He wanted to run some shows in his hometown of Ottawa. Nothing big, just a little place for the people in the area to be able to see wrestling again and something for him to be proud of, as a wrestling fan.

His name is Mark. He had tried running in conjunction with the IWS in Ottawa before but the experience was not a very good one, especially when the venue told him and IWS owner Manny they would never be allowed back there again due to a certain wrestler acting erratic and scaring people. Jeez, I wonder who that could have been...

Anyways, a few years went by and Mark was still talking about starting up something of his own. In 2007, he finally did it. He set a date, came up with a name and announced that Capital City Championship Combat, C*4, would hold its first event in November of that year.

I wasn't originally scheduled to be part of that first event because my son Owen was set to be born any day at that point but when I heard Eddie Kingston had to pull out of the show, I couldn't help but offer up my services to Mark as a suitable replacement. Mark took me up on it and the first main-event in C*4 history was set, Kevin Steen & Max Boyer vs Hallowicked and MVP. No, not the recently released, internationally-bound, no-longer-allowed-to-use-that-name MVP but the Ontario independant stand-out Michael Von Payton MVP, who had that moniker way before Antonio Banks, by the way.

That first main-event was held in a horrible six-sided ring, I remember. I fractured my elbow in that match by doing a frog splash off the guardrail to the floor and I still to this day have bone spurs floating around in there.

After that first show, Mark booked a few more dates at the venue he had found. He didn't seem too sure how long he'd run for or how successful he would be but he seemed happy just to be able to bring good wrestling back to Ottawa on a regular basis.

It's now 3 years later and C*4 is still going strong. It doesn't have the best venue, the nicest set-up, the best ring or a huge budget but what it does have is a bunch of guys in the locker room who believe in and love wrestling, loyal fans who come out every show to support their favorite company, and an owner who has one goal in mind: at the end of every show, everyone, from fans to wrestlers, go home happy. Mark is very successful in that aspect.

I'm not sure how the company does financially. I know it does well enough that Mark isn't running ''going out of business'' sales every 2 months to get sympathy and move merch quicker. I know Mark doesn't have to tell his wrestlers he's going to make up for the money they are missing out on at the next show or work at Taco Bell. And it's doing well enough to have some very good independent wrestlers on every show, in addition to the good local talent from the Ottawa area.

Guys like Sonjay Dutt, Hallowicked, Petey Williams, Colin Delaney, Kyoshi, Claudio Castagnoli, Cheech, Cloudy, Jimmy Jacobs, Eddie Edwards, Brodie Lee and many others have all taken part in a show or two in the past. Guys like myself, Tyson Dux, Player Uno, 2.0, Beef Wellington, Sexxxy Eddy, Twiggy, Stupefied, Michael Elgin, El Generico and others are all part of the regular roster.

The reason I chose to write about C*4 for my second column here isn't to kiss up to Mark, although it sure doesn't hurt my standing! The reason I am writing about this is because I feel that C*4 is somewhat of a hidden secret to American wrestling fans and I think a lot of you out there would enjoy the stuff C*4 is putting out quite a bit. I want to try and get the word out and help C*4 get the recognition it deserves.

In the end, all I want to say is if you're wrestling fan and you enjoy ROH, PWG, Chikara or anything like that, if you enjoy good, fun pro wrestling and you're looking for something new to take a look at, C*4 is as good a choice as any. Pick up a DVD or two and you'll see what I mean.

For those of you interested in seeing what C*4 has to offer, go to www.c4wrestling.com
I hope you all check it out!

Kevin