Dear Wrestling,
This is going to be one of those letters that only gets 8-10 people to read it, bless.
Weltschmerz is a German word that basically means "the pain you feel at the difference between the world, and how the world should be." Great fucking word, right? Sometimes I feel like that feeling is the single thing I feel most in my life--more than love or joy or anything.
Sami tweeted earlier today how in the past 24 hours, there's been a big increase in the attacks on civilians in Syria--both conventional and chemical. He said his heart is in shambles, and I hurt for the people there and I hurt for him.
His grandmother is still there. I've been thinking about that since I found out a couple days ago. I don't even have any grandmothers, haven't since I was 7-8. I can't imagine what that's like, to have a grandmother in particular in a war zone. And of course, his is far from the only one.
I know that it's good I care about this, I know it's a sign of humanity. I'm fortunate that I can listen to the good advice I've heard from people in freedom movements over the decades, that if you can, you need to draw back a little sometimes, because it doesn't help anyone if you traumatize or retraumatize yourself. I find it really difficult though, because for the most part, my love and care are all I have to give, the only way I can feel like I'm helping--
But then, that's not helping, is it? Ok, compare to your own life: white ladies reading The Glass Castle may have felt very bad for poor people stuck in Appalachia, but it didn't do jack shit to help. It never fed me, it didn't even get them to be conscious consumers of energy and stop destroying the region in order to have cheap electricity.
So, when you do this, self, all you're really doing is hurting yourself and imagining that it did anyone any good. It did not, that's an illusion.
Keep giving every payday. Keep supporting Sami, keep spreading the word about SAMS. Keep your ears open for other ways to help. But don't beat yourself up and imagine you're helping.
I know it's hard. I know. But you do really care about helping or feeling like you did?
This is going to be one of those letters that only gets 8-10 people to read it, bless.
Weltschmerz is a German word that basically means "the pain you feel at the difference between the world, and how the world should be." Great fucking word, right? Sometimes I feel like that feeling is the single thing I feel most in my life--more than love or joy or anything.
Sami tweeted earlier today how in the past 24 hours, there's been a big increase in the attacks on civilians in Syria--both conventional and chemical. He said his heart is in shambles, and I hurt for the people there and I hurt for him.
His grandmother is still there. I've been thinking about that since I found out a couple days ago. I don't even have any grandmothers, haven't since I was 7-8. I can't imagine what that's like, to have a grandmother in particular in a war zone. And of course, his is far from the only one.
I know that it's good I care about this, I know it's a sign of humanity. I'm fortunate that I can listen to the good advice I've heard from people in freedom movements over the decades, that if you can, you need to draw back a little sometimes, because it doesn't help anyone if you traumatize or retraumatize yourself. I find it really difficult though, because for the most part, my love and care are all I have to give, the only way I can feel like I'm helping--
But then, that's not helping, is it? Ok, compare to your own life: white ladies reading The Glass Castle may have felt very bad for poor people stuck in Appalachia, but it didn't do jack shit to help. It never fed me, it didn't even get them to be conscious consumers of energy and stop destroying the region in order to have cheap electricity.
So, when you do this, self, all you're really doing is hurting yourself and imagining that it did anyone any good. It did not, that's an illusion.
Keep giving every payday. Keep supporting Sami, keep spreading the word about SAMS. Keep your ears open for other ways to help. But don't beat yourself up and imagine you're helping.
I know it's hard. I know. But you do really care about helping or feeling like you did?